Note: The first piece will appear both in poem and fragment format. They will both consist of the same content.
Poem
The winds gentle gusts cause leaves and petals
to flutter down onto the water’s surface
fragmenting the creeks duckweed carpets.
Light shines through the fractures
revealing sticks and rocks, the sunken
rubble of a submerged world.
A catfish navigates these concealed depths,
whiskers mapping out the sunken ruins.
Weaving effortlessly past obstacles with no – mind,
not knowingly the catfish simply follows the way
heading deeper down stream, for down there
the birds can no longer reach the catfish.
Catfish poem, as Fragment
The winds gentle gusts cause leaves and petals to flutter down onto the water’s surface, fragmenting the creeks duckweed carpets. Light shines through the created ruptures revealing sticks and rocks, the sunken rubble of a submerged world. A catfish navigates these concealed depths, whiskers mapping out the sunken ruins. Weaving effortlessly past obstacles with no – mind, the catfish simply follows the creeks way. Heading deeper down stream for down there the birds can no longer reach the catfish.
Catfish Fragment, II
In the murky stream, a catfish darts from cover to cover, seeking safety. Evading sunken wood and rocks, its whiskers relaying sensory information, the catfish swims from rock pile to rock pile, hunkering down in a submerged log. At last the catfish spots the deeper part of the stream, a safe refuge. Making a dash, the catfish gets nearer and nearer until a beak breaks the plane and the catfish is no more.
The heron sets itself once again in order to observe the stream floor.
Two things bother me about the first one. Rupture changed to fracture (Hetty’s great advice), and Creeks way changed. The rest I am happy with. Once again, feedback is welcomed.
Shout outs: Once again the poetry of Meng Hao Ran (Jan), Shih-Shu and two new poets on this blog, Wang Wei and Po Chu-I. Also a Haiku by Kobayashi Issa and a poem by Ryokan.
The main inspiration goes to Richard Brautigan for his poem, Your Catfish Friend.
Once again, places to buy poems of Wang Wei and Po-Chu-I (Both translated by David Hinton).
Wang Wei: http://www.amazon.co.uk/Selected-Poems-Wang-Directions-Paperbook/dp/0811216187/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1297893524&sr=8-1 and http://www.amazon.com/Selected-Poems-Wang-Wei/dp/0811216187/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1297893560&sr=8-1
Po-Chu-I: http://www.amazon.com/Selected-Poems-Chu-I-Directions-Paperbook/dp/0811214125/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1297893589&sr=8-1 and http://www.amazon.co.uk/Selected-Poems-Po-Ch%C3%BC-I/dp/0856463353/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1297893618&sr=8-3
The Haiku by Issa:
Simply Trust –
Do not the petals flutter down,
Just like that?
Ryokan’s poem:
With no – mind, blossoms invite the butterfly;
With no – mind, the butterfly visits the blossoms.
When the flower blooms, the butterfly comes.
When the butterfly comes, the flower blooms.
I do not “know” others.
Others do not “know” me.
Not – knowing each other we naturally follow the way.
Both poems found in Wes “Scoop” Nisker’s The Essential Crazy Wisdom (both poems are properly referenced in the book). http://www.amazon.co.uk/Essential-Crazy-Wisdom-Wes-Nisker/dp/1580083463/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1297894140&sr=8-1 and http://www.amazon.com/Essential-Crazy-Wisdom-Wes-Nisker/dp/1580083463/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1297894164&sr=8-1
Which also means a huge credit to Wes.
First: I really like the two poems you posted at the end.
Now, onto your writing! I liked this post (& also the numbers one below) though I feel there are some apostophes missing from the first piece (stylistic choice?) which made me have to double read it. But yes, I really like the feeling created, though I think I prefer it in prose format? Amn’t sure.
I could only really think of maybe ‘fractures’ instead of ‘ruptures’ and perhaps ‘watercourse’ instead of ‘creeks way’?
🙂
Hm, actually on rereading, I think I like the disjointed nature of the poem over the prose.