There is a spider clinging to the wall. His name is Ted. While I am writing Ted is looking down on me. Ted is brown, hairy and eight legged yet he does not provide much in the way of feedback. I asked him for help but he simply requested more spiders in the story.
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I caught Ted leafing through Jane Austen’s “Pride and Prejudice” today. He thought it would be better if all the characters were spiders. I am inclined to agree.
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Ted has developed a serious reading habit. He still thinks books would be better if all the characters were spiders. Apart from Hopscotch by Julio Cortazar. Ted feels it is near perfect as it could use spiders more in passing and in descriptive passages. Me and Ted are divided on this point of criticism.
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Ted came across a book of surreal pictures. He found a picture by Robert Desnos, “Spider With a Moustache”. Ted enjoyed this picture very much. Me and Ted both agree that it is a fine painting. Ted has hung it on the wall.
Ted is actually a real spider who is currently wandering around the house. He is a common housespider, roughly 2 inches long. I don’t think that he actually reads books and I can’t ask him. I don’t speak spider and it would seem he cannot speak any human languages. He may read in secret though. I would like to use the Desnos picture but I can only find one on a website that is asking for copyright stuff.
Golden Giraffes Riding Scarlet Flamingos Through The Desert of Forever 
That is an amusing story, in spite of my deep fear of spiders (I am terrified utterly and completely of the octopeds). But I think giving Ted almost human like emotions and actions, which ironically is to make everything more spider oriented (a chill just went down my spine) makes him funny. And when you said he was two inches long I passed out, smacked my head against my iMac.