Car Journey and Aftermath

Driving along the mountain road the motorist tries to maintain a steady speed. But the route is treacherous and the mud makes it hard keep a constant speed and to maintain grip. The driver struggles to keep the car on the road. The back-end kicks out and as the motorist attempts to compensate for this he loses control of the car and plummets over the edge into the forest below. Crashing through the canopy the car comes to a rest, suspended from the ground by a network of vines.

~~~

The tree canopy has long since repaired itself, once fresh branches enlisted to fill the gap that was opened up by the descending car. The car still hangs in the vines. Now it is an aging rust bucket, bits and pieces having dropped from it, clanging on the ground leaving the cars skeletal remains entangled in mid-air. As time has marched on the vines have infiltrated the car, pushing through the windows, boring through the radiator, constricting the engine and creeping through the dashboard overwhelming the interior. The underside has been permeated as well, vines crawling up the exhaust pipe and emerging through the wheel gaps.

This process has been watched by the bones of the driver resting on the forest floor.

Inspired in part by Richard Brautigan’s short story “Blackberry Motorist”. I had the image in my head and the first part is just an attempt at a back story. Also the second part, I feel it is lacking an end sentence. Feedback as always is welcomed.

Advertisements

About skyraftwanderer

A person who enjoys writing short story things, poetry and other random things that come into my head.
This entry was posted in Fragments and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to Car Journey and Aftermath

  1. D... says:

    Dark subject matter. Well written, as usual. It’s like man vs nature in two rounds. The first is easy, the mud is the reason for the tragedy. The second is the slow and cruel decomposition of the car as it is helplessly strangled. There is a subtle horror to it. It is a honestly a little off putting.

    • Thanks for the comment.

      Glad you enjoyed it and found it well written. To start with the first part was just a framing device for the second but it appears that it can stand on its own. It is slightly horrific.

      Just a question. Do you think it ends okay with the vines emerging through the wheel gaps? I am fine with the very last line, but I feel it may need a line after the vines/wheel line. Or maybe not. Just seems a little bare.

      • D... says:

        I think the way it ends is somewhat open. You have an understanding of what is happening/going to happen. You give the tree two animal qualities (one of a boa constrictor) and the other of a type of virus (it sort of infiltrates the underbelly of the car, slowly from the inside working it’s way to the “skin”). This is what I think when I read it. Now, that may not be the intention. If it is however, you may want to have a transitional sentence between the last sentence and the previous sentence.
        But as it stands the reader is left to continue the inevitable corrosion in their heads. So it works in that respect currently.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s